


Memories

by JWade



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 01:10:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7869643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JWade/pseuds/JWade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raphael throws Sam back in time a few thousand years and scatters his memories along the way. Gabriel has to find him and bring him home, hopefully restoring his memories before they are lost forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean had been more than a little overprotective of Sam since a resurrected archangel saved them all from disaster at the old Stull cemetery. It was still all a blur to Dean, as beaten and bloody and barely conscious as he was, Sam wasn’t in his right mind for most of it, and Gabriel was rather tight-lipped on what happened. What he did know was that somehow both Michael and Lucifer ended up in the cage, Sam was himself again, and Cas and Bobby had been resurrected, though Gabriel insisted the last wasn’t his doing. Needless to say, when Dean woke up one morning and Sam was gone and the impala was still there, he went into a slight panic and called Gabriel. 

When Gabriel heard Dean’s call his brow furrowed in confusion. They rarely called him, and on the off chance they did, it was always Sam that made the call. Since the aborted apocalypse, Cas was occupied with the civil war in heaven, much to Gabriel’s dismay. His continued existence was still secret and he wanted to keep it that way. He had no intention of getting into a battle with his brothers and if he was perfectly honest with himself he wouldn’t know which side to choose anyway. He couldn’t say that he agreed with Castiel’s idea of free will for all angels, but nor did he agree with Raphael re-opening the cage that he spent so much effort closing up again. He was sure there was no way to open the cage again though and Raphael was grasping at straws. Sam would most definitely be on Cas’ side though, which would make it hard to choose Raphael’s, but taking into consideration that Raphael and Gabriel had been very close until Gabriel did his runner, and it was a toss-up which side he would choose, so it was easier just to stay out of it. 

When he arrived in their motel room to find Dean there alone, his interest was piqued. “What’s up?” 

“I don’t know. I woke up and Sam was gone. The car’s still here and his wallet and phone are still on the table so wherever he went it wasn’t willingly.”

Gabriel schooled his expression and refused to panic. He was an archangel for crying out loud. Even without being able to sense Sam, he should be able to find him. He walked over to what he knew was Sam’s bed and placed his hand on the pillow closing his eyes and attempting to sense the remnants of whatever took him. His eyes widened when he sensed grace, and it was too strong to be a seraph. Raphael. It had to be, but why? If he was looking for leverage against Cas, he would have taken Dean, not Sam. It didn’t make any sense. “I’ll find him,” Gabriel said confidently. He would find Sam if it meant tearing heaven apart, but maybe start smaller. Maybe just try talking first, but so help him if one hair was harmed on Sam’s head then Raphael would be sorry. 

If Sam was taken by mistake and they meant to grab Dean, no way was he going to call the archangel right to the other hunter so he chose a neutral location. One of many non-descript apartments he kept available for such meetings and he prepared the summon. When Raphael arrived a bright smile lit his face. “Gabriel! You’re alive! It worked!”

Gabriel narrowed his eyes curiously, wondering what Raphael meant by that, but he had more important matters to attend to now. “What have you done with Sam Winchester?” he asked firmly. 

“I don’t understand. I sent him to you. Is he not with you?” Raphael asked. It was his turn to be confused. 

Gabriel realized this was going to get complicated so he just asked the most important question and then they could sort all this out. “Is he safe?” 

“Safer than usual I would say,” Raphael said still confused. 

“Okay. Then tell me what the hell is going on? What do you mean you sent him to me? Why?” 

“I sent him back to the time you were alive. I thought maybe if you had found your soulmate that things could be different. Better. And maybe you would survive.”

Gabriel pinched the bridge of his nose. Now it was all making sense. Sort of. It blew his mind a bit that Raphael would go to so much trouble to make sure he was around, but otherwise the pieces were slotting into place. It was well known that you couldn’t change the past, but that was just on earth. Heaven was far more flexible. If Gabriel had really been dead or even if he hadn’t been so involved with the affairs of earth the last few thousand years, it might have even worked. “Why? Why did it matter to you so much?” Gabriel asked plaintively. Had he really made such a mistake all those years ago. Would it have really made a difference if he’d stuck around. 

“Father was gone, you were dead, Lucifer was fallen, Michael was all I had left. When he began working towards the apocalypse, how could I stand against him? How could I risk losing my last brother?” Raphael said sadly. It was true that all angels were their brothers, but the four archangels had a special bond. One that the rest could only dream of. “He shut down so I had to as well. I had to push my own feelings aside and become the cold soldier he needed me to be. Now…now he’s gone too, and now what can I do? I thought…maybe if you were still around…things could be different. Maybe you and I together could have stood up to him. Maybe we could have kept each other from falling into the cold unfeeling place I found myself.”

“Then why try to open the cage?” Gabriel asked. 

“I want us all together again. I know Lucifer’s too far gone and if I could leave him there and just pull out Michael I would, but maybe with your help we can make Michael himself again,” Raphael told him. 

Gabriel sighed sadly. Things could have been handled so much better back then. By all of them, but especially by him. In the heat of everything going on, the only option he had been able to see was to run. It was only the last few years, since he’d encountered the Winchesters, that he’d come to realize that maybe running wasn’t always the solution. He wished he had known that back then. Raphael’s dreams may have come to fruition if he had stayed. Michael and Lucifer were their big brothers and they loved them dearly and they were as much ‘partners in crime’ as Gabriel and Raphael had been. Maybe with two little brothers hounding him he would have pulled his head out of his ass and Raphael wouldn’t have felt so alone. Either way, he knew it was time to come clean. 

“I never died, Raphy. I just ran away. Things were so bad, all the fighting all the time and you were never around, and every time I tried to stop it, I got hurt in the crossfire. I didn’t know what else to do. I faked my death and ran away. I’ve been hiding here on earth ever since.”

Raphael’s first instinct was anger. How dare Gabriel let him think he was dead all that time? How dare he leave him alone to deal with Michael? But he knew how sensitive Gabriel was, despite how well he tried to hide it. He knew that if he went on the offensive there would never be reconciliation and Gabriel would just run again. He was also mature enough to acknowledge his part in it. “I was never around because I just wanted to stay out of it. I didn’t want to get caught in the crossfire like you apparently did. I never knew. I should have talked to you.”

“We both made mistakes, but we can fix things now. The first thing I need to do is retrieve Sam though,” Gabriel told him bringing the conversation back around where it needed to be. “Where and when did you send him?” 

“Bethlehem, about a year before the birth of Christ, so you would find him when you went there,” Raphael told him with a wince. “But there’s something else…” he trailed off nervously not sure how Gabriel would take it. 

“What?” Gabriel asked suspiciously. 

“His memories…as far as he knows he is a farmer from that time. His real memories are scattered throughout the time stream,” Raphael said apologetically. 

“Why?” Gabriel groaned. This would be a nightmare. 

“Because if he knew who he was and when he was from he would never stop trying to get back, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that Winchesters don’t know the meaning of the word impossible.”


	2. Chapter 2

Gabriel almost headed out to find Sam but then remembered something else that needed addressed before he was out of contact, even just for a little while. He would make every effort to return shortly after this conversation, but it was rather hard to be exact when dealing with such long distances. “Just…don’t go poking at the cage until I get back and we talk about it. And let this thing with Cassie drop until then too. Please.”

“I won’t wait long, Gabriel. And my people reserve the right to defend themselves,” Raphael told him. He could understand Gabriel wanting him to wait before going forward, but this was a war, whether he liked it or not, and if he left it sit too long it would be lost. 

“Ok. I’ll try not to be too long. Now I better go before his brother carries out his standing threat and deep fries me,” Gabriel said with a chuckle as he left, leaving Raphael with a great deal to think about. Gabriel was obviously quite familiar with the Winchesters. That explained how Michael and Lucifer had ended up in the cage. If Gabriel was helping them it would make sense. Did that mean he was on Castiel’s side? Raphael quickly put that idea out of his head. If Gabriel had been working with Castiel he would have lost long ago. He would have at least noticed something. No. There was no way his opponent had the power of an archangel on his side. 

Raphael thought over the times he had met the Winchesters. The first time he had laid eyes on either of them had been when Dean Winchester and Castiel had trapped him in the holy fire and interrogated him. He had been pissed, not just about being trapped, but being trapped by the enemy and his soulmate. He had also been afraid. Being powerless before two beings who seemed to mean him harm, one of which knowing exactly how to hurt him, and then he found out they were looking for Father. He’d said he was dead and he firmly believed that. He had to. The alternative, that he had abandoned them with no word for so long was too horrible. Part of him worried that they would find him anyway. He knew that Michael was way out of bounds and if Father was still alive. If he were found, he would step in and Michael would go the same way as Lucifer, and then Raphael would be alone. Just like now. He’d never been good with alone. Gabriel was his twin, just as Michael and Lucifer were twins. They had always had each other and then when Gabriel was gone he had Michael. He didn’t know how to be alone, and there they were threatening everything he held dear and he lashed out. Who could blame him?

The next time they met was even worse. They were in the middle of a heated civil war and the Winchesters were standing side by side with his opponent. He could see the bond between the older brother and Castiel getting stronger, though it wasn’t yet sealed, but what he saw in the younger brother had struck him dumb. Samuel was Gabriel’s soulmate. That was when his plan had been born. He had let them go. He could have easily ended things then and there. He almost did end Castiel, but the arrival of the meddling little thief Balthazar had distracted him. He could have taken him out before he carried out his threat with very little trouble, but he had been offered an out. He needed to regroup so he let them be. 

Now Gabriel would return with the younger Winchester who was his soulmate, and this had the capacity to get very messy. He didn’t think Gabriel would turn his back on him, but for the pull of a soulmate who would surely support his brother who would support Castiel…He couldn’t be sure. He didn’t know if he could stand across a battlefield from Gabriel. He would have to win them over somehow. It wouldn’t be easy with their past and with the hold that Castiel already had over them. Then again, perhaps the entanglements could be used to find a peaceful resolution to this conflict. He knew that would be Gabriel’s choice. Gabriel always wanted peace. Raphael missed peace. 

There was a lot to discuss when Gabriel returned. In the meantime, he would do what he could to help. He called his lieutenants and instructed them to offer a temporary cease-fire with Castiel before setting off to gather as many pieces of Samuel’s scattered memory as he could. He had acted in error, and would make every attempt to resolve it as quickly as possible. Gabriel would summon him back if he returned before Raphael did and the errant archangel would offer up whatever he managed to find as a peace offering to both his brother and the young Winchester. 

 

Gabriel arrived in Bethlehem a few weeks later than he guessed Sam would have arrived, just to be sure. He didn’t particularly like the reminders this place was bringing up in him about who he used to be. Gabriel knew that Raphael would have given Sam a whole backstory and that these people in town would believe they knew him, so he asked for him at the inn and was directed to a small farm at the outskirts of town. Gabriel couldn’t help but smile when he saw Sam tilling the fields. As he walked up, Sam looked up and wiped the sweat from his brow as he said, “Greetings stranger. How can I help you?” 

Gabriel had known that Sam didn’t have any of his memories, but being greeted as a stranger hurt more than he had expected it to. He was going to try not to reveal himself if at all possible, but he knew it would likely be necessary. “Sam, this is going to sound crazy, but I need you to trust me. You’re from the future. You were sent back here and your memories were messed with and I need to take you home,” he said, not sure how to bring it up other than just being blunt about it. 

Sam just gave a little chuckle. “I think you’ve been out in the heat a little too long mister. Come on back to the house and let’s get you some food and water.”

“Gabriel,” the archangel said. “My name is Gabriel.” He hoped the name would spawn some memory in the hunter, but nothing. 

“Well, Gabriel, let’s get you cooled down and see if we can get you a little less confused,” Sam said in a friendly manner, obviously not recognizing him still, not that Gabriel had held up much hope. 

“I’m fine Sam. Really. I need you to trust me. Please,” Gabriel said. He knew that if he had just kidnapped Sam with his current mindset he would likely be too traumatized to deal with anything, and getting his memories back could cause permanent damage with him already in such a state. 

“I’ve lived here on this farm my entire life. My parents ran it before they passed away last year and now it’s just me. I’ve never been to the future or anywhere else. I’ve never even been away from this town,” Sam said with a bit of worry over this man’s mental health. 

Luckily Gabriel knew Raphael. He knew his strengths and weaknesses. He would have given Sam a decent backstory, but there would be holes. He couldn’t craft an entire life, and Sam had just given him a place to start. “Will you tell me about your parents?” Gabriel asked. 

“Their names were Eli and Talia. They were farmers here before they died last year in the sickness,” Sam told him. 

“Okay, but what did they look like? What were their voices like? What kinds of things did they like to do or talk about?” Gabriel pushed for more. 

“They…” Sam trailed off furrowing his brow in confusion. Why couldn’t he remember? He couldn’t remember his mother’s hugs, or her voice. When he concentrated he could almost remember his father’s but the memory seemed so far away and he was angry. His father never got angry. He was kind and soft-spoken, but the wisps of memory were of him yelling. 

“You can’t remember can you? Because it’s not real. None of it is. This isn’t your life, Sam,” Gabriel said pushing a little harder. 

“I think you need to leave,” Sam said trying to remain polite even as he was caught so completely off-guard, but not totally succeeding. 

“Sam…”

“Leave. Now.”

Gabriel sighed heavily. It was now or never. He’d been afraid it would come to this. He raised his arms and let his grace glow from him as the sunlight glinted off the shadows of his six golden wings.


	3. Chapter 3

No sooner than he saw the light and wings coming from the being that called himself Gabriel, Sam was on his knees, head bowed, babbling apologies and begging not to be smote. Gabriel had long imagined Sam on his knees in front of him but this wasn’t exactly what he had in mind. He reached for the hunter to try and get him to stand up. “Come on now. Enough of that,” he admonished as he pulled Sam to his feet. 

“You are…certain about what you say?” Sam asked still looking at him in awe. 

“Yep,” Gabriel said lazily. “And your brother is worried sick about you and might just flambe me if I don’t get you back.”

“My brother? I don’t have a…” Sam trailed off as a memory started to return to him. Himself as a young boy being comforted by an older boy. “Dean?” he said softly as it came to him. 

Gabriel gave a relieved smile. If his memories were coming back that could only be a good thing. “That’s right. Dean’s your brother. And he sent me after you.”

“Why did this happen?” Sam asked curiously. 

“It’s a very long story, but it has to do with you and I,” Gabriel told him, not really wanting to go into it. 

“I…know you,” Sam said not quite as a question. “I…I’m confused,” Sam said shaking his head. 

“It’s okay, Sammy. Just talk it out,” Gabriel told him, knowing that was the easiest way to hold onto the swirling memories. 

“I…I hated you and then…then I loved you…but I was sad…you didn’t…never mind,” Sam stopped blushing profusely as he realized what he had said. He was starting to get the feeling that he had never intended on telling Gabriel any of that. 

Gabriel, however, couldn’t help the hope he felt stirring in him at that. He somehow managed a slight chuckle. He could see that Sam didn’t want to talk about that at the moment so he played it off, “Now I think you’re the one who’s confused,” he joked. 

Sam could easily believe that. His barely remembered familiarity with the archangel was warring with his ingrained awe at everything he was. “Tell me about…about us?” Sam asked hoping it would jog his memory. 

“Well when we first met you didn’t know who or what I was and you and your brother tried to kill me…” Gabriel let it hang to see if Sam would fill in any details. He was deliberately keeping things vague trying to encourage Sam to fill it in. 

“Trickster,” Sam said as he started to piece bits of it together. “Aliens?” he asked confused. 

Gabriel laughed heartily at that. That probably wasn’t the best place to start in hindsight. It would just confuse him more. “Don’t worry. That’ll make more sense later as you get more of your memory back,” he said amused. “The next time, I trapped you in a time loop…”

“Heat of the moment, pig in a poke, Tuesday,” Sam started saying things as they came to his mind. Gabriel figured that would be what he remembered the easiest since he had basically lived the same day for six months on end and he braced himself for the worst part to be remembered. “You killed Dean!”

“Yes. I did. But I brought him back. I had to teach you to let go. You were going to hurt a lot of people accidentally if you didn’t,” Gabriel told him. He wasn’t about to go into the whole apocalypse tale. Right now Sam was just getting wisps; fragments; he needed all of it back before tackling such a complex subject. 

“Did I…let go?” Sam asked. 

“No. And a lot of people did get hurt, but you saved a lot more. You and I fought the devil side by side and locked him away. We worked well together and after that we became something more like friends.”

“More than friends,” Sam said softly as he reached out a hand to brush Gabriel’s hair away from his face before he tried to snatch his hand away as he stammered wide-eyed, “I mean…I don’t…I’m sorry…”

Gabriel grabbed his hand and held it to his face for a moment before turning and pressing a soft kiss to Sam’s palm. “Don’t presume to know what I feel, Sam,” he said softly. He would love to pursue the subject a little more, but he wasn’t going to go there yet. Not until Sam had all of his memory back, so he let go of the hunter’s hand and changed the subject, “But we need to see about getting the rest of your memory back. 

“How did this happen to me?” he asked helplessly. 

This was actually a story that would be better before he got his memory back and remembered just what he thought he knew about Raphael. “It’s a rather long story if you want to hear it?” When Sam nodded he motioned for them to sit down. “It started way back in the beginning of creation. My father created two archangels to start with. Michael and Lucifer. They were the best of friends, but when they were grown, he missed having young ones around so he created another pair. Myself and my twin Raphael. We were terribly close for all that we were very different, we complimented each other. He was always a stickler for the rules while I was always breaking them. I loosened him up and he kept me from going too far and we were inseparable. I was always pushing boundaries and he was always fixing my messes. Like once, when I was learning to fly, I jumped from a high tree, just to prove I could, but I couldn’t control myself well enough so I crashed. He patched me up and helped me hide things from our other brothers and father so I wouldn’t get in trouble for flying without them.”

“That sounds nice,” Sam said with a smile. He caught himself wishing he’d had a brother to grow up with like that and then remembered that he had. He just hoped he remembered more about him soon. 

“Yeah. It was. For a very long time it was, but then father started creating other children. Scores of them. Not as strong as the four of us, but they started taking more of his attention and the fighting started. It wasn’t so bad yet though. It was just a jarring change from the easy peace we had enjoyed for thousands of years. Then when he started creating the earth and humans, things got really bad. Lucifer in particular hated the humans. He could tolerate the other angels because they were still made of grace, even if it was much less than us. He saw humans as flawed; broken. That’s when things started getting really bad. Father left. He abandoned us and Michael and Lucifer, once as close as Raphael and I, were at each other’s throats all the time. I tried to stop them from fighting as often as I could, but then they would turn on me and I got caught in the crossfire and ended up getting pretty badly hurt more than once. Raphael was hardly ever around anymore. He couldn’t stand it either but just tried to stay away. I didn’t understand. All I knew was that I felt so alone all the time, so I ran away. I pretended to be dead and hid for a few thousand years.”

“I’m sorry. It sounds like you had a rough time,” Sam said sympathetically, patiently waiting for the part where he came in. 

“Yeah. It was bad, but I was selfish and cowardly. I didn’t think about what I would be leaving Raphael to. With Father gone, Lucifer banished, and me thought dead, all he had was Michael, and Michael was a broken shell of what he once was. Michael became a cold, hard soldier, working towards his goals and nothing else mattered, and his goal was to end humanity, but rather than go about it like Lucifer had in an act of rebellion, he took every step he could to carry out our father’s final plan for the world, far sooner than it should ever have come to pass. Raphael knew that Michael was wrong, but couldn’t stand up to him and risk losing him too, so he buried himself inside a ruthless shell and did everything Michael asked of him. But then when you and I fought Lucifer and trapped him away forever, Michael ended up trapped with him and then Raphael really was alone. He was trying to release them, at least release Michael, but then he met you and saw that you and I were connected…don’t ask how. That’s a question for another time,” he interrupted as he saw Sam start to speak. “But he thought that if I could meet you before I ‘died’ then it might change things, so he sent you back to when and where I would be and took your memories so you wouldn’t try to get back.”

“But you didn’t die…” Sam said starting to piece things together. 

“Right, and due to the vagaries of space time, since I spent most of my time in hiding on earth, nothing can change for me anyway…another long story for another time, so I came after you.”


	4. Chapter 4

“So what say we get you home kiddo?” Gabriel said gently as he reached out a hand for Sam to take. When the hunter looked wistfully around the house as he hesitated, Gabriel felt bad for him. To Sam, this was home. This was the only home he remembered in anything more than brief little snippets of things that didn’t quite fit. Gabriel waited patiently for Sam to accept leaving and place his hand in Gabriel’s. 

They appeared back in the motel room Sam and Dean had been occupying about a day after he had left to find Dean pacing frantically. He obviously hadn’t slept, and probably hadn’t eaten either. Gabriel stopped him from rushing at Sam and said, “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll go talk to your brother outside. We’ll be right back.”

Gabriel manhandled Dean outside and as soon as the door closed behind them, the hunter rounded on the archangel. “What the hell man?!”

“Look, Sam doesn’t really remember anything. As far as he remembers he is a Jewish farmer from thirty-six BC. He has a few wisps of memory that have returned so far, but not much, so don’t overwhelm him.”

“What the hell happened?” Dean asked heatedly. 

“Someone who thought I had actually been dead thought that me meeting him might have helped me survive so sent him back somewhere I would find him back then. He thought that I could have stopped the whole apocalypse thing before it started if I was around. It wasn’t done maliciously,” Gabriel told him. The last thing they needed was Dean Winchester gunning for Raphael. 

“So what? Sam got abducted, got his mind wiped, and it’s just, oh well? He had good intentions?” Dean asked incredulously. 

“We are going to get Sam his memories back. He and I are going to head out to do just that once we’re done here. In the meantime, you can try and jog his memory. Just talk to him about stuff. That seems to work. You were the first thing he remembered so he should respond well to you.”

“I was?” Dean asked with a slight smile. 

“Yeah. When I told him he had a brother, he remembered your name almost immediately. I think some childhood memory. Try to stay away from the bad stuff as much as possible. Let’s save that for when he gets everything back. Imagine remembering being trapped by a demon but not remembering how to fight a demon.”

“There’s not much that’s good,” Dean pointed out. 

“I know, but just try. Especially the childhood. The life he remembers he was an only child and he seemed to like the idea of having a brother. I’ll be back as soon as I can with his memories,” Gabriel said. 

“Wait…so you said he remembered me, but what else does he know?” 

“Everything he knows is scattered in bits and pieces but I was able to jog some memories about the times we’d met before. He knows that we fought the devil together and trapped him away, but no details. That’s about it. I wanted to get him back as quickly as possible so I could go find his memories rather than the long and tedious process of helping him rebuild them,” Gabriel told him. 

“Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Go on then,” Dean waved him away and then took a deep breath before he headed back into the room. 

 

Gabriel reappeared in the same non-descript apartment where he had met Raphael before and quickly summoned him. As soon as Raphael appeared, he didn’t even give Gabriel a chance to speak before saying, “I have been working to gather Samuel’s memories, but there is still much missing.” He was eager to make amends for his error in judgement. He just wanted his brother back and he knew that nothing else would matter to Gabriel until his soulmate was whole again. 

“Great. Tell me where you’ve checked and then we can split up and keep looking,” Gabriel said, still all business. 

It ended up taking a few more days before they had the vast majority of Sam’s memory. There may still be a few blank spots, but it was as good as they were going to get for the forseeable future. Once Gabriel had everything ready to return to Sam, Raphael said earnestly, “I am sorry brother.”

Gabriel gave him a half-smile and put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I know Raphy. Once I get this done I’ll come back and we can talk,” he promised. 

 

In the meantime, Dean was cursing Gabriel for taking so long. It seemed like the personal stuff came fairly easy, Sam remembered scattered details with minimal prompting, but the more mundane stuff like how to use the shower and toilet and how to shave, just didn’t want to come back and he was having to teach him all over again. On the plus side, reliving all their old happy memories was doing both of them some good. Still, when Gabriel showed up a few days later, Dean sighed with relief. “Please tell me you have good news.”

“I have almost all of Sam’s memory for him,” Gabriel said cheerfully. 

“Almost all?” Dean asked annoyed. 

“There may still be a gap here and there, but nothing big. We got all the big pieces and most of the little ones,” Gabriel told him. Dean nodded. If that was the best he could do, then he would have to live with it. He would see how bad the damage was before he made a fuss. “You should probably wait outside for this. The fewer people around the better. This can be a rather jarring process,” Gabriel told him. 

“I’m not leaving,” Dean said stubbornly. 

“It’s okay Dean,” Sam told him. “I’ll be fine and you can be right outside the door.” He was honestly getting annoyed with all the hovering. 

“Fine,” Dean said in frustration. “But I swear to god Gabriel…”

“Well that’s not nice. I don’t go around swearing to your father do I?” Gabriel quipped. 

“Gabriel!” Dean snapped. 

“Relax momma bear. He’ll be fine,” Gabriel said rolling his eyes and Dean reluctantly stepped outside and closed the door behind him. 

“Thank you,” Sam said relieved. While he was slowly regaining bits and pieces of memory that showed them being together all the time, he was still used to a solitary, independent life. 

“Sorry to leave you with that. I didn’t think about his whole overprotective thing. I told him not to overwhelm you before you could get your memories back, but he doesn’t listen so well,” Gabriel said apologetically. 

“When I get these memories back, will I still remember the rest too?” Sam asked nervously. 

“To some degree. They will always be there, but they will be muted. Kind of like a dream, but a bit more vivid and detailed.” He wasn’t sure if that was the answer Sam wanted or not and the hunter’s face gave no clues either as he just nodded for Gabriel to get on with it. “You might get a bit of a headache but you shouldn’t have any other problems,” he warned before he started transferring the memories back to Sam. 

Sam tensed up as all the memories of his life started flowing back into his mind and bombarding him all at once. They were warring with the memories of the life that Raphael had given him, and he definitely got that headache Gabriel was talking about, but it was more than ‘a bit of a headache’. It felt like he had a jackhammer in his head. He heard Gabriel asking him if he was okay and he managed to open his eyes and when he saw Gabriel he remembered what they had talked about back on the farm. “I…I think we need to…to talk,” he said wincing. He had revealed far too much, but Gabriel had implied…well he wasn’t really sure what Gabriel had implied other than don’t make assumptions, but he got the feeling it boded well. 

Gabriel smiled at him. “I know. And we will. But right now, I have a war to stop and you need some time to let your memories settle,” he said fondly. 

“Okay, but…you will come back right? You’re…you’re not gonna run again?” Sam asked. He knew of Gabriel’s propensity to run when things got complicated. 

Gabriel’s smile widened as he reached over and squeezed Sam’s hand. “I’m done running, Sam. I’ll be back. I promise.” When Gabriel left Sam would swear he felt a breeze of lips against his forehead and couldn’t help but smile.


	5. Chapter 5

When Gabriel reappeared in the room where he left Raphael, the other archangel was standing uncomfortably in the center of the room. Raphael looked up and asked, “Is he okay?” Gabriel nodded. “Are we okay?” Raphael asked hopefully. 

“Not quite,” Gabriel said. “I should have done this days ago, but I was too worried about Sam,” he said as he stepped forward and enveloped his brother in a warm hug. “We’re good Raphy. We both made mistakes, so let’s just move forward from here. 

“Can I ask…” Raphael paused, not sure if he wanted to open that can of worms but when Gabriel motioned for him to continue he finished, “why? I mean I get why you left, but why pretend to be dead? Why not talk to me first?”

Gabriel sighed heavily and motioned for Raphael to sit down as he plopped into his plush armchair himself. “I know now how wrong I was, but at the time…I was in a bad place. In my mind, you weren’t around so you didn’t care. You didn’t help me when they turned on me…”

“I never knew,” Raphael interrupted. 

“I know that now. But I figured no one would care if I left, but if they had known I was alive they would never have stopped looking for me, to drag me back home kicking and screaming if they had to. I should have told you though at least. Maybe even took you with me. I might have gotten into less trouble that way,” Gabriel joked. 

“I was always there for you, Gabriel. I honestly didn’t know how bad you had it. Yes, because I was never there to see it. I guess you had your way of coping and I had mine. I should have talked to you too. We should have helped each other. As you said. We both made mistakes.” Gabriel nodded sadly at him thinking about all the time they had lost. Raphael suddenly grinned, “But I am very interested to hear of all this trouble you got into.”

Gabriel laughed heartily and launched into a series of rousing stories that soon had Raphael in stitches. He left out quite a bit though. There was quite a bit he wasn’t proud of. There was quite a bit that would ruin this mood and he knew what Raphael was doing. He was trying to start things off fun. There was no need to bring melancholy into it. They would talk about the bad stuff eventually, but not today. They had enough bad stuff on the menu for the forseeable future. Gabriel allowed the fun for a few hours before he turned the conversation back towards more serious matters. “We need to talk about this war, Raphy.”

“I know,” Raphael said guiltily. 

“But not just the two of us. We need to get Castiel here and work this out. I don’t want any appearance of anything being rigged or us ganging up on him, okay?” Gabriel said firmly and waited until he got the nod from Raphael before he summoned Cas. 

“What is this?” Cas asked suspiciously upon seeing the other inhabitants of the room. 

“This is a summit where we will hopefully be leaving with a peace treaty in place,” Gabriel said. 

“You are to be the mediator? The voice of reason?” Cas asked incredulously. 

“He’s very good at it. When people are willing to listen, that is,” Raphael spoke up. His first words to his brother in nearly two years that weren’t laced with hatred. 

“And are you?” Cas asked narrowing his eyes at Raphael. 

“I am,” Raphael said evenly. 

“Then so will I,” Cas said sitting stiffly on the couch next to Raphael as it was the only seat left and he was obviously expected to sit. If Raphael was going to be mature about this then he definitely wasn’t going to act like a child. 

“Excellent!” Gabriel clapped his hand. “Our first agreement!” Raphael couldn’t help a slight chuckle at his brother’s theatrics causing Cas to look at him sideways. He had never heard Raphael laugh before. “Okay, so let’s start small. Soothe the ruffled feathers before we start on the big issues. Why don’t you tell me how this started?” Gabriel said wincing when both of them began to talk over each other and he let out a piercing whistle. “Okay, Raphy, you start.”

“Obviously,” Cas grumbled. 

Gabriel shot him a warning glare as Raphael started speaking. “After Michael ended up in the cage with Lucifer I was sitting there trying to figure out where to go from there, mostly how to get him back, when Castiel walks in and boldly announces that I am to swear my allegiance to him. Can you imagine? A little seraph seeking to control me? I suppose since Michael kept me on such a tight leash for so long I must have seemed like a pushover. I wasn’t going to let him push me around like Michael always did though and I made that clear.”

“By beating me senseless and dumping me in a field?” Cas said sarcastically. “Father resurrected me for a reason. He obviously wanted me to lead. He obviously didn’t want the apocalypse to happen. Should I have just ignored all that and let you run us into the ground again?” 

“Father is dead,” Raphael snapped. 

“Enough!” Gabriel said loudly. He thought for a minute about who to address first, but decided for fairness sake and since Cas was apparently bitter about Raphael being chosen to speak first, he would start there. “Raphy, wasn’t it you who always said that we should protect those younger than us? You were always the one to put a stop to anyone picking on someone weaker. What did you have to prove that required you beating a little seraph so badly?” 

“I had to prove that just because I was Michael’s doormat didn’t mean I would be his,” Raphael said not budging an inch. 

“And there was no other way to do that?” Gabriel asked pointedly and Raphael had the good grace to look contrite. Gabriel didn’t speak again, and cut Cas off when he started to, obviously waiting for something from Raphael. 

“I apologize Castiel. I could have made my point in a less drastic and hurtful way,” he said almost sincere. 

“Thank you,” Gabriel said satisfied before he turned to Cas. “Now, Cassie. I know that you have been hanging around with Dean Winchester, but that is no reason to lose all sense of respect. You didn’t even try to talk to Raphael? To tell him what you thought and why? You just barged in and demanded that the rightful leader of heaven serve you? Do you not see what you did wrong there?” 

“Father wanted me to lead!” Cas said defensively. 

“Did he now? I will give you that perhaps he was the one to resurrect you, since he is the only one who could,” he looked at Raphael as he said in an aside, “I’m sorry brother but you know it’s true. I know it’s easier to believe that he’s dead rather than abandoned us, but we have to face facts.” He looked back at Cas, “But resurrecting you doesn’t mean he wanted you to lead. It just meant he didn’t want you dead. Maybe he disagreed with you but wanted you to have a second chance to set things right? Did you ever consider that? You have let your time with humanity inflate your ego.”

“Like you’re one to talk?” Cas snapped. 

Gabriel glared fiercely at his little brother. “I have never been so disrespectful to anyone. Period. Especially anyone of a higher station. I have never taken liberties that were not mine to take. In fact, I took a demotion. Yes, I allowed people to worship me as a god, but a pagan god is a big step down from archangel. I assure you, Castiel, my ego is in check.” Cas gulped as he realized that Gabriel was right and he shouldn’t have said that. When Gabriel saw him back down he sat back in his chair again and said, “Now unless Father appeared before you and told you specifically that he wanted you to lead heaven in his absence, you owe Raphael an apology, and even if that were the case it could have been handled better.”

Cas glared at Raphael as he said, “I’m sorry,” through gritted teeth and Raphael scoffed. 

“Castiel. If you aren’t going to take this seriously, then this summit is over and the war continues, but with me on the only side willing to be reasonable here. Raphael gave you a sincere apology, and you will do the same.”

Cas thought about it for a moment and, once again, had to admit that Gabriel was right. Perhaps he had been spending too much time with Dean and the hunter’s stubbornness had been rubbing off on him. “You’re right Gabriel. I apologize Raphael. I should have attempted to speak with you as your brother before declaring myself your enemy.”

Raphael gave him a reasonably polite nod, and Gabriel relaxed again. It had been a long time since he’d had occasion to play peacemaker and he had forgotten how exhausting it could be. At least he wasn’t in danger of getting hurt this time. “Do we have any other minor grievances before we start tackling the big issues?” Since the entire war had essentially stemmed from that point they both shook their heads. “Very well, so as I understand it, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but the essential issues of this war are Raphael’s desire to open the cage and Cas’ opposition to it, and Cas’ desire for all angels to have free will and Raphael’s opposition to that. Am I right?” When they both nodded, Gabriel said, “Well you’re both idiots.”


	6. Chapter 6

Gabriel continued without giving either of them a chance to protest his rather blunt statement. “The cage can’t be opened again Raphy. Even I would allow it, there is no way. I destroyed three of the rings myself and the seals can never be broken again with the death of the first demon. It’s foolish and reckless anyway. We let them out, they fight, one of them dies. I don’t think you’ve considered that all the way through. I know you don’t want either of them dead any more than I do. This way they can fight it out among themselves for all eternity if they want and no one ever has to worry about collateral damage.”

“I just…want my brother back. He may be a controlling, pretentious jerk, but he’s still Michael,” Raphael said sadly. 

“I know Raphy. Believe me, I know. But it’s better this way, and I know you’re scared about ruling on your own. You’re afraid you’ll make mistakes, and you will. Anyone would. That doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be good at it. Go back to the kind-hearted, studious, archangel I knew. Before Michael twisted you all up in knots, and you’ll be great.”

Cas was starting to see Raphael in a new light. He had always seen Raphael as Michael lieutenant. His goon so to speak. He’d never seen this side of the archangel, and he started to wonder if he had, perhaps, been too quick to jump to conclusions. He still thought he had a point. “What about free will for angels?” he asked, less hostile than he would have earlier. 

“Yeah, well, that’s where your idiocy comes in. Angels aren’t built for free will. I can guarantee you all the angels following you are following your orders and doing what they think you want them to. Even you, you think you’re following your own free will, but you’re not. You’re following Dean Winchester’s,” Gabriel pointed out. 

“I make my own decisions too,” Cas said defensively. 

“Like trying to work with a demon to open purgatory?” Raphael dropped the bombshell. 

“You’re kidding,” Gabriel gasped. “Please tell me he’s kidding.”

“How did you know that? Have you been spying on me?” Cas asked heatedly. 

“It’s a good thing I was!” 

“ENOUGH!” Gabriel yelled as things were getting way out of hand. He turned to Cas. “That is exactly my point. Let me guess. You’re working with Crowley and it was his idea?” Cas nodded reluctantly. “You are still being led around by the nose and you have no idea what you’re doing. This is going beyond misguided and well into dangerous. Do you have any idea what is in purgatory? You open that door you release the leviathan into the world. We barely got them locked away last time and that was with all four of us and Father’s help and you think you can handle it? No. Absolutely not. We just fought to save the world once and you would end it now?”

Cas looked down sheepishly. When Gabriel put it like that he could see his point. “Dean says…”

“That angels should have free will like everyone else. Yes I’m aware of the stupid ideas in his head, but he doesn’t understand angels. He doesn’t understand how they are built. Archangels have some measure of free will because we are built to lead. Seraphs were built to follow. True free will was a gift and it was one that Father himself chose not to bestow on us and who are we to question him. It’s a double edged sword, Cassie. It is a good thing overall, but look how much damage it does too. All the wars, murders, hatred, discrimination, greed…that’s all a product of free will just as much as anything else. We are the way we are and we should stop trying to be something else. You want free will, then fall. Become a human. I can even arrange for you to keep your vessel since it’s empty now and all your memories if that’s what you want, but free will is not for angels. It was a gift for them and it’s not ours to take.”

Cas nodded regretfully. He had been so wrong about everything. “I think I understand now,” he said sadly. It seemed that everything he had come to believe was a lie. He really was letting other people lead him, even now. At least in heaven he had known it. He didn’t know if he could go back now though. He had learned to doubt, to question, and he couldn’t just turn that off. 

“Now here’s what I suggest,” Gabriel said looking to wrap this up. He was finding himself rather impatient to get back to Sam and have their conversation. “Raphael, you drop the whole cage thing. Cassie, you drop the whole free will thing, and stay away from purgatory should go without saying but I’m gonna say it anyway. Are we agreed on that much?” He got nods from both of them. “Okay great. Here’s where the hard part will come in. Raphael will be in charge of heaven. That is not negotiable. He is the rightful ruler. However, Cassie has a unique voice among the seraphs and it would be foolish to ignore that. You will have final say Raphy, but I suggest you give Cassie a voice as well, and actually listen to him and take the time to talk things out with him when you disagree.”

Raphael could see the wisdom in that on a few conditions. “As long as he agrees to treat me with respect and any disagreements with the way I run things will be taken up with me, not used to sow discord among the others, I can accept that compromise on a trial basis.”

“Cassie?” Gabriel asked. 

“I admit that I am torn,” Cas said. “On one hand, it seems like a good idea, but there is Dean to consider…”

“No one would dream of separating you from your soulmate, Cassie,” Gabriel assured him, getting a nod from Raphael as well. “If you need me to speak with him and explain why his ideas are dangerous so that he doesn’t bother you about the whole free will thing, I can do that. There’s no rule that says you can’t spend time with him as well as in heaven.”

“Actually…” Raphael said tentatively. “Technically there is. Michael was rather strict about any angel stepping foot on earth without express permission, but I was already planning to relax that rule a bit. Not a lot. Not until things settle a little more, but soulmates will always be an exception. So long as you remember where your loyalty lies.”

“If I choose to accept this on a trial basis, is your offer from before still good if I change my mind later, brother?” he asked Gabriel. 

“Absolutely,” Gabriel assured him. 

Cas turned to Raphael and addressed him directly for the first time that evening. “And you would give up on the apocalypse so easily?” he asked curiously. 

“It was never about the apocalypse for me. It was about loyalty to the only big brother I had left. I never cared if it happened or not. I just didn’t want to lose Michael like I lost Father and Gabriel and Lucifer, so I did what he wanted. Became what he wanted me to be. But I think what I can have now might just be better. I have Gabriel back, even if he doesn’t want to return to heaven, I can relax and be myself again, and hopefully make heaven into something we can all be proud of once more.”

Cas couldn’t help the slight smile that graced his face. If he had known this Raphael all along then perhaps this whole mess could have been avoided. “Then I will stand with you brother,” he said strongly reaching out his hand and Raphael met him halfway as they grasped forearms in a gesture of unity. 

“We should call everyone together, say in two hours at the main meeting hall. You gather your people and I will gather mine and we will make the announcement together,” Raphael decreed. 

“Very well. I will see to it that everyone is gathered,” Cas said deferentially. 

“Great! Now I have my own soulmate to go see,” he said cheerfully, glad that he was able to avoid any further bloodshed on the matter. 

“Wait…” Cas called before he was able to leave. “I may no longer be participating, but Crowley will not abandon his plans for purgatory so easily.”

Gabriel smiled and deferred to Raphael who looked surprised to be put on the spot. Gabriel had been making all the decisions tonight so he wasn’t expecting to have such a big one shoved on him so quickly. He handled it well though. He just looked at Cas and said, “Then clean up your mess however you see fit. Just as long as he leaves purgatory alone,” he said with confidence, making sure that no trace of resentment leaked into his tone. The past was behind them. They just had the cleanup left. He put the big part of the decision in Castiel’s hands, extending some measure of trust in his new right hand, while making the end result clear. Gabriel nodded to him in approval as he disappeared.


	7. Chapter 7

Gabriel reappeared back in Sam’s room only to find him passed out sleeping. Dean narrowed his eyes at Gabriel and jerked his head towards the door so Gabriel followed him out. “Sam said something about you stopping a war?” he asked suspiciously wondering why Gabriel would have gotten involved now and on whose side. 

“Yep. I sat both Raphael and Cassie down and we hammered out a peace treaty,” Gabriel said smugly. 

“So no more apocalypse talk?” Dean asked. 

“Please. Like I would let that happen after going to so much trouble to stop it,” Gabriel scoffed. “Besides. Raphael never gave a crap about the apocalypse. He just wanted his brother back. Now he has an even better brother,” Gabriel joked. 

“And free will for the angels?” Dean asked pointedly. 

“Nope. Not gonna happen,” Gabriel said firmly before giving Dean the same speech he had given Cas and pointed out that even when he thought he had free will, he had just changed masters. He left out the part about working with Crowley to open purgatory. That was Cas’ story to tell if he ever wanted to. 

“I still don’t like it,” Dean said stubbornly. 

“No one’s asking you to. We are asking you to accept it. You wouldn’t go to another country and tell them to change their culture would you?” 

“That’s different,” Dean argued. 

“No. It’s not. Actually it’s worse. It’s more like throwing a fish on land and expecting it to walk or shoving someone out of an airplane and expecting them to fly. Fish don’t have legs, people don’t have wings, and angels can’t process free will,” Gabriel told him. 

“You seem to do just fine,” Dean accused. 

“I’m an archangel. We were created to lead. Some measure of free will is built into archangels, but I still don’t have as much as a human. Seraphs were created to follow. They have very little capacity for free will. Cassie is now Raphael’s right hand, and Raphael will listen to him so I’m sure that little capacity they have will be utilized to its fullest, but expecting any more than that is just not possible, so I’d appreciate it if you’d quit putting ideas like that in Cassie’s head.” Dean glared at Gabriel at the implication. “Let me put it this way, your ideas have already started one civil war in heaven and cost thousands of my brothers their lives. Now I’m willing to let bygones be bygones, but I WILL make sure it doesn’t happen again. Capice?” 

Dean blanched at that. He hadn’t thought of it that way. He did think it was unfair of Gabriel to put the war all on him. “Raphael was the one who wanted to open the cage and restart the apocalypse,” he accused. 

“And he could never have succeeded. The cage can’t be opened again. And if Cassie had actually taken the effort to talk to him about rather than barging in and making demands, he may have seen reason. It only took me five minutes to talk him out of it after all.”

“So what do you want from me? You want me to stop having an opinion? Stop talking to Cas? What?” Dean asked confrontationally. 

“No and no. I just want you to accept the fact that humans and angels are different and stop trying to make Cas or any other angel more human. That’s it,” Gabriel said reasonably. Dean seemed to be thinking about it so Gabriel added, “I don’t mean that you can’t teach him to blend in a little more, understand pop culture references and figures of speech, be more comfortable in human interactions, just don’t apply the same standards to him as you would another person.”

“I…I guess I can do that,” Dean admitted. “So why are you here anyway?” 

“I promised Sam a conversation, but I wanted to handle the whole war thing first so I came to make good on that promise,” Gabriel told him. 

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Are you and my brother a thing?” he asked suspiciously. 

“That’s what we need to talk about,” Gabriel freely admitted. He had no intention of hiding anything. 

“I won’t let you screw around with him,” Dean warned. 

“Believe me Deano. If Sam and I become ‘a thing’ as you say. It won’t be about screwing around,” Gabriel told him. 

Dean was taken aback at the archangel’s seriousness in that statement. “Wait a minute. Why did Raphael think that meeting Sam would make a difference for you back then?” 

“That is something for Sam and I to discuss and then if he wants to share he’s welcome to, but I’m not talking about this with you before I even talk about it with him,” Gabriel said in a tone that meant the conversation was over. 

Dean had his suspicions though, and decided to wait it out. He could throw Gabriel a bone though. “He’ll probably sleep until morning. He had a bad headache so he took some pain pills. They always tend to knock him out for a while.” Gabriel nodded appreciatively before he disappeared. 

Gabriel popped back in on them the next morning not long after they woke up. “I’ll go get breakfast,” Dean said making his way out. 

“How did you do that?” Sam asked looking at Gabriel in awe. “He’s barely let me leave his sight since Stull.”

“I came by last night, but you were asleep. I told him you and I needed to talk, so I guess he’s just being polite and giving us our privacy.”

“Right…yeah…we need to talk,” Sam said blushing bright red. 

“Look, Sam. I know that when you said you loved me you weren’t really yourself,” Gabriel gave him an out if he chose to take it. 

“No. I wasn’t.” Gabriel’s heart started to drop for a moment before Sam continued, “But I was drawing those feelings from my real memories,” it took him a minute to get up the nerve to say. 

“So you’re saying that you do…love me?” Gabriel asked hopefully. Sam bit his lip and nodded, unable to form any words. Gabriel grinned, not that Sam saw it with his gaze firmly at the floor. “You remember how I mentioned that Raphael could tell that we were connected?” Sam looked up and narrowed his eyes in confusion before he remembered. “That connection is soulmates. I knew from the moment I met you that you were my soulmate, Sammy. I’ve loved you ever since.”

A smile started to slowly break out on Sam’s face. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Well the first time we met you hated me. The second time we met I thought I was sacrificing any chance we might have for the opportunity to protect you, and after you found out what I really was, you barely tolerated me. Or so I thought. As far as I knew we were just starting to become friends. I had hoped it would become more someday, but I didn’t want to jeopardize the little bit of progress I’d made by throwing the whole ‘you’re my soulmate and I love you’ bombshell at you,” Gabriel explained with a shrug. 

“I loved you when I thought you were just a janitor,” Sam whispered as he reached out a hand to brush Gabriel’s hair back from his forehead. “As much as I hated myself for it and tried to deny it for a long time after that, I never stopped.”

Gabriel leaned into Sam’s touch. “You’re not denying it anymore,” he pointed out. 

“And I don’t hate myself for it anymore either. That stopped about the time you showed up to spring us from that hotel,” Sam said as he slowly pulled Gabriel forward, trying to get up the nerve to kiss him. 

It turned out Sam didn’t need to get up the nerve. Gabriel did that for him. It was slow and gentle and sweet. Everything a first kiss should be. Sam was grinning as they separated. “I love you Gabriel,” he whispered. 

“And I love you Sam. Forever,” Gabriel replied only to be captured in another kiss. It wasn’t long before they tumbled into the bed and Gabriel knew he had to stop this before it went too far. “Your brother will be back soon,” he pointed out. 

Sam nipped at Gabriel’s neck. “Then put a sock on the door,” he said as he ground his hips down over Gabriel’s.

“If we do this, Sam, there’s no going back. Ever,” he said. “We’ll be bound for all eternity.”

“Good,” Sam murmured against his neck as the hunter’s hands went to the front of Gabriel’s pants. 

Gabriel was panting with the effort to hold himself back. He didn’t know how much longer he could. “You’ll live forever Sam. You’ll never age. You’ll never die,” Gabriel gasped out as Sam’s hand reached in his pants and wrapped around him. 

“Forever with you sounds good to me,” Sam said capturing Gabriel’s lips in another kiss and Gabriel lost all will to stop him. He couldn’t say he wasn’t warned. 

When Dean got back and saw the sock on the door he rolled his eyes and went to book another room. He would apparently be needing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My daughter's birthday party is tomorrow and school starts on Monday so I can't promise I'll get any more writing done this weekend, but I will try.


End file.
